Moving Through Avoidant Attachment

The avoidant pattern…

When emotionally activated you shut down, withdraw, detach. In romantic relationships, you tend to feel suffocated and overwhelmed, especially if things get too close, or your partner becomes too needy. Intimacy alludes you. You might engage in a series of encounters with romantic partners either casual or serious- all that seem to lack true intimacy. Sometimes, you distract with workaholism, isolating hobbies, etc. You know how to take care of yourself and sometimes people tend to expect you to take care of them. Sometimes, you like to take care of them. It feels good to help out.

The fact that you can resource from within, that you don’t need your partner the way that they need you- is an asset. It means you are self sufficient. At the root of your discomfort with intimacy is the fear that closeness with another person means loosing your self sufficiency- loosing yourself.

If any of this resonates, and you want to put in the work to become more securely attached, I want to let you know that “secure attachment” means you get to keep your sense of self. You learn to live in the space where intimacy/closeness with another person and your self sufficiency co-exist. Protect your flow- only you can resource for yourself- this is at the root of any and all good personal growth work.

To see if I’d be a good fit to support you in becoming more securely attached…

Read more about Attachment Theory, including more specifics about avoidant attachment and secure attachment, here.